Another Baby

Yep, that's right, I now have a little man in my life. After almost 6 years with it being just me and Ryiah, we have welcomed this tiny little angel into our home. He is a bright light and a joy for us to be around. He is our little foster boy.

 There was a situation that caused this little boy to end up with CPS and that just wasn't going to work. This little boy is family. Though he is not blood and I had never actually met him prior to fostering him, he is still a baby that I knew of and was not willing to turn my head. His brothers are my blood nephews. After my brother and his wife split, she had this little guy with another man. So how could I let the baby go into the foster system and not be around for his brothers to love? It wasn't an option. My whole family stepped up and was willing to take this on. We didn't know how it would turn out, but the state decided that I was a good fit for him and he was handed over. It was not planned for more than a few days so we had to move quickly to get things set up. As I committed to take this baby boy into my home and life, I was under the impression that, as a foster child, the state would provide financial support for diapers, formula and day care. I was informed that was not going to happen. They only provide support to licensed foster parents and if you are considered family, you are on your own! This got me a bit stressed. I sat on that for a day and struggled with what I would do about that. I had taken this on and had to figure it out. With some encouragement from a couple friends I decided to post about it on Facebook. I was hoping that anyone that was already getting rid of baby things anyway could think of me and donate it to me instead of the trash or GoodWill. The response from my close friends as well as those I only know through FB these days, was more than I could have asked for. So many people were so quick to reach out with helping hands and kind hearts. It shocked me at how many people were willing to do whatever it took to help get us set up. To know that many people cared about this little child that they didn't know was unbelievable! I spent the next week and a half crying tears over the love of others.

 Heart and mind ---- Blown

 So about the little guy - He is 10 months old and as cute as can be! His dimples match those of his mom and brothers. When I first took him in my arms from the foster mom he had been with for a week and half prior, he was scared and unsure and seemed overwhelmed with his life having such a dramatic change without his consent! He didn't make much noise. No crying. No babbling. No laughing. He looked exhausted. His skin was rashy red and his eyes were sad. The foster mom told me he had a mild cough that started the night before. So not only was he sad, but he was sick as well! His mild cough turned into a horrible croupy cough by the end of his first day with me, so we started things off at Urgent Care. Not what I was expecting. The next several days were spent running from one corner of the valley to the other. We were collecting things and had appointments and work and on and on ... There was no resting and not a ton of time for bonding since we were on the go for 4 days straight! We finally made it to the 3 day weekend and I decided I wouldn't leave the house unless it was absolutely necessary. I wanted this perfect little person to have the chance to settle in and understand that he got to stay with us and be loved and nurtured and cared for. I wanted him to learn his new surroundings and have the opportunity to be at peace for the first time in 3 weeks!

 So at home we stayed.

In our comfies we stayed.

With each other we stayed.

 I tried to establish a routine so that his eyes and mind could rest easy. Each day he warmed up to me a little more. He allowed me to get a little closer. He was opening up to the love I had to offer him. His smiles got real. His dimples deepened. His eyes brightened. And then, he was reaching for me. He was crying for me. He was hugging and kissing and loving me. We connected. He felt safe.

 He is a happy little boy.

What about Ryiah? How does she feel about all of this? How is she coping? How is she with the baby? Well - she is beyond thrilled! All Ryiah has wanted since she was 2 years old was a baby brother or sister. Once she realized all of her friends kept having additions to their family and saw that they got to care for a little sibling, she has begged me for one! Being that I could not provide her with that as a single momma just trying to get through, this has been such an exciting adventure for her. When I sat her down to talk about it before I knew if we would get him, I asked, "What do you think of this? How would you feel if we took him in for a little while?" She responded with, "It would be like a dream!" So with that we moved forward. She has been such a huge help! She does diapers and bottles and midnight checks when he wake her with his cries. She tries to do it all. There have been moments that have been hard as well. Ryiah is starting to understand how much time and attention babies need. Her feelings have been hurt by my attention being on him over her at times. She is also realizing that her role as a "big sister" is taking up some of her play time! She will play with him for a few minutes and then ask, "Can I go do my own thing now?" Haha! Over all she is so good with everything. She is the best.

 How am I? How do I feel about all of this? How am I coping? Well - I mean, I will be crazy honest here - to go from an almost 6 year old who is very independent and capable of doing most things on her own to a 10 month old who is 100% dependent on me is tough! Ryiah and I have a system and work pretty dang well together. So throwing baby in the mix has been a huge adjustment! People have always asked, "Isn't it so hard to be a single mom? I don't know how you do it." I have never considered my role as a single mom to be difficult. I have always just done it and been fine. Obviously I have my moments, but overall I am okay with it. I honestly didn't know why people considered it to be hard on me. Then I got a 10 month old. To have two mouths to feed and bodies to clothe and hearts to warm and tears to dry ... there is double the amount of things to clean up, grocery bags to carry, trips from the house to the car and back again for things I've forgotten ... I am starting to understand how great it would be to have an extra set of arms - someone to hand one child off to while I did all the before mentioned things and then some. Let's not even talk about the lack of time I have for myself! I was just beginning to train for the SoCal Ragnar in April. I haven't run once since little face got here. I walked out the door three days in a row without brushing my teeth because I forgot or didn't have time (don't worry, they were brushed later in the day). I have skipped appointments, work, dates, showers, sleep and meals. My cuticles are trashed and my heels are dry because I'd rather fall onto my bed after finally getting things done for the day than take 5 minutes to moisturize! I got a total of 2 hours of sleep last night and I am taking that as a win considering the 3 nights prior I got less than an hour! I have projects to work on that I haven't even looked at. There is little food in the house because the thought of not only going to the store but then having to carry the groceries in is – well - inconceivable to me right now. Lol! So yes, now I get the "it's hard as a single parent" statement. Not that I didn't ever consider it to be hard for others, it just never was for me with Ryiah.

 In the end, the joy that this baby boy has brought into our home is beyond words. I love to see him light up when he sees me, because the feeling is mutual. We do not have any idea how long we will get to be with this baby boy as the situation in unclear at this point. I am not trying to focus on a length of time, though. I am loving him in the moment. Each day we get to spend with him we will count as a blessing in our own lives and I can only hope we are making a difference in his. I'm sure he is doing far more for me than I am for him. With the sleepless nights and endless bottles (btw - bottles blow) comes a genuine happiness.

 

We will love him as long as we get to!