Words I Wasn't Expecting

As I drove to the doctor's office I was a bit anxious. I don't know why as I was just going in for my routine annual. The minute I walked through the door my nerves and emotions surfaced. There was no reason for it at all. I sat in the room with the silly robe on waiting for Jane to come in. I felt tears well up as I looked around the room at all the posters of naked woman and babies. Still, I have no clue why I was feeling this way. Jane came in, sat down and had a friendly conversation with me about what's been going on over the past year. This is one of the reasons I truly love her. She always takes the time. We talked about periods, pills, men, church, babies, work and issues. Just as my nerves were calming down I laid back so Jane could do my breast exam. I told her I was a bit freaked out because my friend had just found a lump in her breast and the same things always tend to happen to us at the same time. I looked up while saying this to see a concerned look on her face as she said, "I think I actually feel something." Tears immediately flowed as I questioned her and she informed me. This was not what I had in mind for this visit. Was this what the underlying anxiety was about? I have no idea. How could it have been since the thought never even crossed my mind!? Well, Jane found a concern in each breast and I am now scheduled for an ultrasound February 27th, 2014.  

2/17/14

I just had my ultrasound. It was quick and physically painless (emotionally it was a little tough). They obviously wouldn't tell me anything. So now I get to wait for the doctor to call me next week. 

3/4/14

Well, I'm clear. Clean. I'm good. 

What an awful thing to go through. To just wait. That's all I could do. I feel good but the "what if" is still in me. That does not feel good. My grandma passed away from breast cancer and so it is always in my head that it is a possibility. I don't dwell on it, I just know that it's very real. 

PS - My friend is clear as well!

3/30/14

I was tagged on Instagram and FB to post a makeup free picture in support of Breast Cancer Awareness. Here they are.

It's weird after my small scare how much I think about breast cancer. I know it's in the family, so it's very possible that I could get it. I'm not saying I'm sure I will, it just hits me a bit harder now.